"How do I tell you your work sucks nicely?" asks Don Hall, "Is there a civil way to say 'Man. That was very genuine, heartfelt horseshit'?"
He continues ...
More so, if I am considered a friend and think you're show sucks, is it more friendly to politely keep it to myself or tell you it sucks? If I tell you your show blows and I hated it, am I now less a friend? For myself, I prefer friends who are honest enough with me to tell me the truth. Even if it pisses me off or hurts my feelings. Oh - and btw - there is a difference between "You're ugly" and "Your show stunk up the place." The first is personal; the second is about my work.How many times have you walked out of a show, trying to figure out what the one little bright spot was that you can highlight in your comments to your implicated friends? Have you said to the director, "What a great cast" or to the actors "I loved that one bit" or to the anyone "That must have been really hard to pull off" ... ? I feel your pain, Don. I'm often so sick of lying that I don't even go to the shows.
Of course the flip side of this is that I now I'm worrying how many of my friends have actually hated my work. Well, I guess that group probably includes the ones who don't come anymore. Oh well.
And isn't it hard listening to your friends' comments at all? They say, "Great work, man," and you're thinking "He said great work. He didn't have to say great. Maybe he really did like it."
I guess it'd be easier to just do without friends at all, right?
Comments (5)
My rule of thumb is never to be that honest in the lobby. Either they know the show sucked and don't need to be kicked in the side, or they think the show is great and will resent your killing their high. I usually stick with a default "nice work" for all occasions.
In my mind, though, if you bring up the show again later--even at the bar an houre afterwards--it means you definitely have a strong opinion about it that is worth discussing openly and honestly.
Posted by Bilal | May 10, 2008 9:30 AM
Posted on May 10, 2008 09:30
I wrote a blog about this yesterday as well. I think the no honesty in the lobby is a good thing, but talking about it later is a better idea.
After a show, the actors are on a high and they want to be congratulated, not kicked in the nuts. They're very likely to get very defensive very fast. Later, when they're more rational, you can bring up the problems.
Posted by Director | May 10, 2008 11:32 AM
Posted on May 10, 2008 11:32
Usually, my specific policy is that if I enjoyed the show, I'll stick around and lather on the praise. If I didn't, I get the hell out of there as fast as possible - if you catch up with me, I'm not much of a poker face - you kinda know I didn't care for it.
If you ask when it is pretty apparent I'm trying to escape the room, baby, you get what you asked for.
The mistake I made with RZ's show wasn't the review per se but the TIMING of it. I'll no longer review opening weekends.
Posted by Don Hall | May 11, 2008 9:18 PM
Posted on May 11, 2008 21:18
...and to answer the question - yes. It is much easier the less friends you have (although what we define as "friends" as opposed to those whom we are friendly with is mostly a self delusion).
Posted by Don Hall | May 11, 2008 9:20 PM
Posted on May 11, 2008 21:20
I think the idea about talking about it later, outside the lobby, preferably at a bar, is great.
When I've come off stage and I know the show isn't good or the performances were off or what were were trying to explore just didn't work and my friends are all looking at their feet and saying, "good work", I know and they know but no one knows what to say.
I want to be congratulated on a least trying and putting myself out there. At least by putting something up on the stage it allows for conversation as what worked and what didn't and that's something.
Posted by Carla | June 3, 2008 4:54 PM
Posted on June 3, 2008 16:54